A few years back, I was talking politics with my friend and XFL mate Jeff Winick, when I mentioned what an idiot I thought Anne Coulter was.
Jeff paused for a second and noted that he went to law school with Ms. Coulter, and that even though her mouth and views were not necessarily rational to most of us, that she was hardly stupid: rather that she understood marketing in a manner that is just different than most of us.
Now, I confess that I am not much more of a fan of the sport of soccer than she is; that is, I don't watch it, and am not really interested in watching it. But, neither am I that interested in watching basketball for a myriad of reasons, but none of them have anything to do with any contempt for either sport.
Rather, between baseball and football, I have enough to keep my competition cravings fulfilled, and I would rather spend the rest of my free time watching old movies, cooking, playing the guitar, reading and performing a bunch of other tasks that I suspect Coulter would say also point to the moral decay of America.
For Coulter certainly suggested that the popularity of soccer is contributing to just that in the piece she authored Wednesday on her own site (presumably because no one else will publish her?) noting her contempt for the game, now enjoying huge coverage thanks to the World Cup.
Now, I will admit there are parts of Coulter's piece that are funny, and I also think Jeff is correct in that Coulter has indeed sized up her market, and knows that though what she says or writes is outrageous, well, controversy means notoriety, and there is no such thing as bad publicity.
On the other hand, who really cares what we like to read or eat or enjoy? I mean, isn't the whole idea of personal freedom and liberty mean that we get to watch or do what we want as individuals?
For, though I was not raised playing soccer, surely the last couple of generations of American kids have, just like most kids around the world who play the sport that is the most popular on the planet.
And, just because something is popular, but not indigenous to our country, doesn't mean it is bad. For, like the metric system, another communist plot Coulter despises, Americans rejecting a discipline the rest of the world embraces, doesn't make us right or superior. In fact, it more points to some hard headed immaturity.
Like noting to a little kid that he or she put their pants on backwards, and the child defiantly replying "I did that on purpose."
In addition, some of the things that Coulter hates about soccer--aside from the fact that Patrick Henry did not invent it--are that there are often not a lot of points scored, and well, there are not a lot of players carted off the field on stretchers like in hockey and football.
Maybe it is just point of view, but if I am watching a baseball game, and the score is 1-0, well, to me that is as exciting as it gets. Now, I understand if there are those who prefer a slug-fest, and I even admit sometimes a 14-12 contest is fun.
But, in a 1-0 game, it means with every pitch, victory hangs in balance, so if there are 225 pitches, or plays in a particular game, to me that is as exciting as a sporting event can get.
As for the violence, I am not sure why the inclusion of the Red Cross is important to Coulter, whom I believe is a Christian, so I wonder just what Jesus would say about high sticking. But, aside from that, apparently she has not heard of Luis Suarez.
It is no secret that I am well versed in 19th Century British Literature: in fact I have an MFA with a specialty in Dickens and Coleridge and their ilk.
A few years back, I was reading George Eliot's "Silas Marner," a book that somehow eluded my reading lists from high school through grad school.
In that book, when talking about the use of tokens and spells, Eliot presciently wrote that "Ann Coulter did not wear such a charm and had an idiot child."
Well, if what we write and publish are indeed our children of a sort, Eliot surely nailed Coulter on that one.
That means in the game of literary soccer, the score is Eliot 1, Coulter 0.
Maybe boring, and maybe like the slow low-scoring contests Coulter decries, it took forever to get a final (like 150 years), Anne, but to me, a satisfying victory nonetheless.
In fact, maybe I will even start watching the final 16.
As for you, Anne, maybe you should stick to NASCAR with the rest of the knuckle draggers.