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Monday 18th Dec 2017

Before I hit the essence of this week's piece--and knowing the pre-season games are starting, and with that baseball will likely rule all written words of mine for a spell--I need to preface.

Because when I thought of this column topic yesterday, the next thing I thought of was this funny line of Lilly Tomlin's. The wonderful Ms. Tomlin once remarked, "Wouldn't it be great if all the crazy people in New York who liked to talk to themselves out loud when they walk down the street could be paired up with another crazy person like them, so that when they walked it would look like they were having a conversation?"

So, it made me think that this week's two big media newsmakers--Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan--should begin dating.

It is pretty incredible when you think about it, that in a week when Muammar Gaddafi was nearly thrown from power, and when the union system that has been the backbone of the middle class since its inception was challenged, that this duo could keep their names up there, grabbing headline space, challenging for lead story.

Even more incredible, this is Oscar week, so surely names like Colin Firth and Natalie Portman (see The Garden State) and Jeff Bridges should dominate the entertainment news, but, no one could hold a candle to either of these miscreants.

I confess, I have never seen Two-and-a-Half Men, though I have what seems like a million advertisements for the show, and the only Lohan vehicle I have seen is Robert Altman's The Prairie Home Companion, and I don't really remember that much about Lohan, or that she even had a rep at the time. Though, afterwards, I did see an interview with Altman who commented that Ms. Lohan was not as difficult as rumored.

Regarding Mr. Sheen, I did see Platoon when it came out, but I don't think I have seen anything else (sorry, no Wall Street) with him, though as the son of Martin Sheen, I would expect Charlie would--or should-be good at his craft. For his dad is indeed awesome (Apocalypse Now and Badlands are favorites).

And, well, as we can all see, Charlie is a bit--shall we say--smitten with himself? Yesterday I learned that Alcohol Anonymous is a sham as is rehab and with his mind, Sheen can master anything. Well, apparently except his temper, drugs, alcohol, his mouth, self control, car, and public persona. Oh yeah, and himself.

Lindsay, on the other hand, seems so oblivious to the set of rules and privilidge she enjoys as a star. I also saw that she has made no fewer than seven court appearances since late 2009. And, that does not count time actually spent in jail, or at the Betty Ford Clinic. I would like to think there is hope for her, though, for she did donate resources following the Haiti earthquake, and has spoken out against poverty in India.

But, well, time to take just a little responsibility, Lindsay.

Charlie, however, had at least 15 dates in Wikipedia under "Personal Life" that dealt with court, rehab, or getting married (three times). Like Lohan, however, Sheen has supported some fine causes, such as Breast Cancer Research and AIDS Awareness.

So, the pair does seem to have more than a few things in common. Drugs abuse, a heart that seems to want to do the right thing, denial, fame, probably too much money, and not enough personal responsibility, talent, and success while young.

In fact, they probably even know one another, as Lohan starred in the film Robby, directed by Sheen's brother, Emilio Estevez.

It seems like they would be perfect for one another. The worst that happens is their union would reduce their madness to just one news bite every once in a while, rather than two separate ones over the same stretch.

Plus, they would either kill one another, or cure one another, meaning either way; we would not have to hear any more about it.

Just a thought - for sure, though, Lilly Tomlin is right.

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